For Me, The Game Of Pretend Equals Suffering

Yesterday, I released myself from a toxic situation. I am so tired of pretending that everything is okay to appease everyone else. It’s beyond exhausting!

Some people think there is bravery in hiding your emotions and courage in pretending as if everything is dandy and that the world is your oyster. 

Pretend as though everything is “fine”? No thanks. Just hearing the word “fine” triggers a bit of anger in me. How many times did I answer the question, “How are you?” with “FINE”, when in fact, I was far from feeling fine! I quit. I quit the game. The game of pretend is over for me. I refuse to do it. I choose healthy behavior, and pretending is not a part of healthy behavior. I've spent years playing the “fine” game, and it is a really unhealthy game. I understand why we do it. We do it to avoid having to feel the truth of any given situation. We do it to avoid being vulnerable. Most of us have been trained well at the game of pretend. Yesterday, I changed the rules. Many people around me will most likely not be too happy. That’s okay. If they choose to continue playing, that is their choice. For me, the game of pretend equals suffering. I no longer choose to suffer. I chose the path of looking at my life and feeling the pain that was blocking my authenticity. I chose the path of truth. In order to be authentic, we have to feel. We have to be real with the emotions that come up in our lives.

In this situation, I will most likely be viewed as the person who "rocked the boat"  And really, “rocking the boat” to me just means I started speaking up and saying what is true. I think of this as a positive thing, but not everyone will agree. Some are not yet willing to own their actions. But that doesn’t mean I am going to stop saying what’s true for me. And it doesn’t mean I will go back to pretending all is well. 

I have to take care of myself. I will allow people in my life who are authentic and respectful of the real me. They love and support me for who I am. They encourage me and lift me up. They show up for me in ways that I never thought possible. 

Pretending is a strategy that won't effectively solve your problem. Some people believe mistakenly that by pretending, or ignoring issues that need be addressed, everything will work out. The maxim fake it till you make it, if you will. Or, the idea that if you just act positively and think positively all will be well. Most of these situations stem from our tendency to avoid pain and discomfort in the moment. We don’t want to do the difficult work that is required to have happiness. Unfortunately, happiness doesn't result from living a life where we have constant pleasure, but from thoughtful and intentional choices and lifestyle. 

Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice and move forward. ✞ 

Blessings,

Dalinda