Everything Has Beauty - EVERYTHING

Everything has beauty - even our messy days, but not everyone sees it.

I have never looked so forward to a doctor's appointment as I have the one I have on Monday. This journey has definitely been a long, frustrating, and painful one, but there is beauty in my mess...Jesus. These days, only He carries me. And because only He carries me only He can receive the glory. I will forever adore Him and give Him all of my praise whether my day is a messy wreck or not. So whatever mess we are in, we can do the impossible (today and everyday) because the sweetest name we know is constantly and ever-presently with you and with me....For He is the beauty in our mess. ♥

The hardest part in my journey, sometimes, is making the choice to step forward when I don’t have a clue where that step might end up. The past six months have been very frustrating for me and my family, going from doctor to doctor and not getting any answers. I've gone from thinking I had MS, to thinking I had a pseudo tumor, to thinking I had a sinus blockage. But after many tests, an MRI and a spinal tap, they diagnosed me with optic neuritis.

On Monday, I will see my seventh doctor....a Rheumatologist. I am sooooo praying that this doctor will be the one to figure it all out. I haven't feel well since April. I was diagnosed with optic neuritis in June, which is inflammation of the optic nerve. This caused some partial blindness in my right eye. My central vision is okay, but my peripheral vision is what I lost. I'm now wearing glasses.

Over the past few months I have developed all the symptoms of Lupus. Up until about a week and a half ago I had all symptoms of Lupus but one....the skin rash, which I now have. I have been doing a lot of research on WebMD because it is scary knowing something is wrong with you and none of the doctors I have been to can figure it out. In my research, I found that Lupus can cause optic neuritis.

My family has had a hard time with this also, especially my youngest son, who is eight years old. He has already lost both his Papa and Nana (my parents) in the past 5 1/2 years. My Dad's passing was the most recent. It will be two years in December. My son is afraid that something bad is wrong with me and I am going to die too. Poor little guy! Prayers for him please.

My husband and I have talked to both our boys and they seem to be handling things a little better. We just need answers so we know what our next step will be.

With that next step there is always a chance I will hit a wall or fall on my face…but I won't know until I take the next step. The one lesson I keep learning over and over as I journey down this road is:

The fear of starting is always worse than the act of doing.

This isn’t new news. This is just one reminder that I need all the time.

And the act of doing, whether you fail or whether you succeed, will always reap growth. Growth through the beautiful, intimate relationship you develop by depending on Christ. There is always a lesson tucked away in the doing. Always.

If we never get out of our comfort zones, we can’t grow into the places God has prepared for us. And that growth brings beauty.

The turning point in our journey through brokenness comes when we stop trying to control the pain and move to greater dependence on God. For He is our strength.

Please continue to keep me and my family in your prayers. Whatever my next step may be, I know that my Jesus will be right there to take it with me.

Blessings,
Dalinda

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